Alternative Highway Code?

[CitTone]

My neighbour has one of those, a Nissan Navara. Four door cabin and flatbed.    HUGE.

Otherwise he's a nice bloke. 

The bloke over the road has got one...and he's a dick.

Washed it on Saturday AND then again Sunday, because he used it. It's a bl00dy pickup, for chrissakes!!

And he parks it diagonally...in front of his neighbour's house.

[Audax]

My neighbours valets their medium size Ford people carrier 2 or 3 times a week, I mean inside edges of doors, under bonnet, around the inside of boot, Hoovers it clean etc. She also moans because I don't wash my car, she even does this every few days in depths of winter when there really is no point as you'll drive off our estate where there are building works being carried out so it'll be muddy before you even get to the main road 

[Max Headroom]

I have to admit Im pretty anal about car cleaning too (it drives my wife nuts - but then she just doesn't get it. You can tell that by the state of her Meriva on our drive)

I sold my old Hyundai Coupe for ...must have been almost 1k over list price because it was so well presented. The guy bought it blind having seen some photos of it on my brothers laptop.

So in that instance my cleaning paid off

[Geoff1951]

OFF TOPIC!!!

[CitTone]

But, back on topic and relevant to the bloke over the road and his offspring :

The horn should be used only -
a) to announce that you are about to leave from outside the house from which you have emerged a few seconds earlier (but only during the hours of 7pm and 8am)
b) to attract the attention of a couple of mates from a few doors down the road, who happen to be walking past, because you haven't seen them for more than a couple of hours
c) when pulling level with a cyclist in a narrow country lane in an attempt to scare him into doing an amusing face-plant into the verge

[Max Headroom]

OFF TOPIC!!!

DUH! 

 

[Geoff1951]

TUS!




(Thumbs Up Smiley...)

[phoenix]

If you wish to fit aftermarket HIDs, make sure your lenses are sufficiently scratched and headlamp aim set so as to cause maximum glare to other road users.
When stationary in traffic, especially at night, ensure that you only use your footbrake to make sure the image of you being stopped is burnt onto the retina of the driver behind.

[Kev_Mc]

If exiting a Garden Centre (particularly one exiting onto an NSL road), follow the following guidelines:

• Use a small, slow car eg. Honda Jazz
• Be particularly adept at pulling out of the garden centre to the front of a previously well flowing line of traffic
• After getting out to the front of the queue, ensure you drive 15-20mph slower than the rest of the cars (typically 36.5mph in a 60mph limit)
• Wonder at the clear road in front of you
• Bimble along and enjoy

[Kev_Mc]

If someone should overtake you on a clear, straight stretch of road, ensure you let the overtakee know that it's safe to pull back in by flashing your lights. Four or Five flashes should be ample, possibly shaking your head in awe at the perfect manoeuvre.

Happens all the time when I overtake - people must think I'm great 

[Geoff1951]

Good one, Kev_Mc !
I've had that many times. It's usually when over taking something doing 40 in a 60 zone - you give them a wide berth, don't cut them up, and you don't go over 55 while doing it!

[CitTone]

Come on...there must be special rules for caravans and horses out there!!

[Geoff1951]

Driving west on the M56 towards Manchester, Friday lunchtime before the August BH. In 20 minutes, me and SWMBO counted over a hundred caravans going the opposite way. Lucky North Wales... We gave up counting, just thankful that we were going the other way.

Horses - loads round here, I read in a national paper that the Wirral has the highest number/greatest concentration of them than anywhere in the UK. And they all cr@p outside my house... otherwise no big issue with me.
I can't understand the riders without hard hats though.

[Richard_C]

Horses .... you've got me started now. It's anachronistic.  If its OK to ride a horse on the highway it should be OK to throw the contents of your commode out of an upstairs window.  They belong to the same era: we have moved on.

• Wearing a high visibility sash gives you divine powers.
  
  The best time to ride a horse on a major road is during the rush hour, ideally whilst leading another horse.
  
  There is no need to be able to control your horse.
  
  Always ride two abreast where possible.
  
  The best place to stop for a  c**p (rider) or a chat (horse) is on a blind bend.
  
  If you ride a horse, cyclists are a lower life form and should be given no consideration at all.
  
  Moving a horse in a road vehicle requires you to drive as slowly as possible and pull over to the centre of the road on straights to avoid others passing.

My own amemndment to the highways code would read:

"Horses are only allowed on the public highway after processing and canning.  At all other times they are restricted to fields".

[Geoff1951]

...  If its OK to ride a horse on the highway it should be OK to throw the contents of your commode out of an upstairs window.
 
...If you ride a horse, cyclists are a lower life form and should be given no consideration at all....

My favourite parts of a great post!

If you have a dog and it cr@ps in the street, you have to pick it up (and then everyone knows what a disgusting package you're carrying) so why on earth doesn't teh same apply to horses??

If I pass a horse while driving ( ) I do it very slowly and give a wide berth. This usually (but not always  ) gets a wave of acknowledgement. If I'm on my bike and do the same, why do I get a nasty glare practically every time?