Author Topic: Alternative Highway Code?  (Read 21684 times)

CitTone

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Alternative Highway Code?
« on: 10 November 2011, 10:49:30 PM »
Time to compile the modern Highway Code, with the rules as applied by a lot of the g1ts I encounter on a daily basis. I'll kick-off with a couple :

1. When entering a main road from a side turning, always allow time for any approaching vehicle to execute a tyre-shredding panic stop before sauntering on your way at less than half of the posted speed limit. If turning off the main road within 50 metres of entering it, do not forget to slam your brakes on immediately.

2. On approaching a roundabout with multiple entry lanes, you may use any or all of them, regardless of the direction in which you intend to exit the roundabout. Indicators are optional.

Anyone else?
Nobody likes a smartarse - until they need one.

phoenix

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Re: Alternative Highway Code?
« Reply #1 on: 11 November 2011, 07:08:23 AM »
3. When riding a motorbike, be sure to make progress by only overtaking moving traffic when you see the opportunity to pull in front of another vehicle depriving them of their safe stopping distance.

4. On single carriageway two lane entry roundabouts, traffic entering in lane 1 going straight on must always move across in front of traffic turning right in lane 2.

5. If you have a wide vehicle e.g. Chelsea tractor, be sure to make use of the electric folding mirrors to reduce vehicle width and drag at all times

Max Headroom

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Re: Alternative Highway Code?
« Reply #2 on: 11 November 2011, 09:13:24 AM »
6. If in the right hand lane, indicating to turn right at a traffic controlled crossroads or T junction, it is important to change your mind and turn left instead. (The same applies if you are in the left hand lane and indicating left - you should turn right instead.

7. At the merest whisp of fog, drivers of cars fitted with rear fog lights must ensure they are on at all times regardless of visibility. Do not under any circumstances turn off your rear fog-light when another road user catches up with you and can clearly  see you are there.

8. It is no longer necessary to slow down or give horses a wide berth as they have now evolved sufficiently to become completely used to all forms of noise, and traffic, and sudden movement.

Baxlin

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Re: Alternative Highway Code?
« Reply #3 on: 11 November 2011, 10:07:46 AM »
9. Please do not use lane one of a motorway.  You are causing no problems staying doggedly in lane two, driving at 5mph below the speed limit.

Geoff1951

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Re: Alternative Highway Code?
« Reply #4 on: 11 November 2011, 10:19:42 AM »
On motorways, always leave the inside lane empty.
On motorways, the middle lane is for demonstrating that you can hold a constant speed of 65 mph for at least 10 miles.
On motorways, if you are driving a large commercial vehicle and wish to overtake a similar vehicle, you must do it with a speed differential of no more than 0.25mph.
When joining a motorway, do not exceed 35 mph until you have actually joined the motorway traffic. The traffic must brake to adjust to your speed.

Where motorway maintenance restricts the maximum speed to 50 mph, this does not apply to any light goods vehicle. Such vehicles are also obliged to travel within one metre of the rear of your vehicle, with their headlights on.

At traffic lights, when a green light turns to amber, you have a further minute to proceed through the subsequent red light.
When stopping at a red traffic light, always leave a full car's length between your car and the stop line.

When moving off from traffic lights, do not select a gear to move off until the green light has been showing for at least ten seconds.

At pelican crossings, stopping on a red light is optional.

When using a mobile phone, you must swear at any other driver who catches your eye.

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...


(Typed while Baxlin was posting!)

phoenix

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Re: Alternative Highway Code?
« Reply #5 on: 11 November 2011, 10:21:00 AM »
If you have front fog lights, ensure they are always on when sidelights or headlights are in use. Their use is mandatory if you have a single failed headlamp bulb.

Baxlin

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Re: Alternative Highway Code?
« Reply #6 on: 11 November 2011, 11:12:41 AM »
(Typed while Baxlin was posting!)

Great minds think alike, Geoff...............

Geoff1951

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Re: Alternative Highway Code?
« Reply #7 on: 11 November 2011, 11:15:37 AM »
If you use a satellite navigation sytem other than one built in to the car, the display unit MUST be affixed to the centre point of the windscreen measured both horizontally and vertically, regardless of any restriction this may impse on your field of view.

You must NEVER use the "night" setting on a satellite navigation display. This is to ensure that not only is your own vision impaired, but that other drivers can see that you are incapable of operating any simple electronic equipment.

The inside surface of your windscreen must NEVER be cleaned.

(Thumbs up smiley, Baxlin!)

Richard_C

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Re: Alternative Highway Code?
« Reply #8 on: 11 November 2011, 12:50:52 PM »
Rear fog lights must be switched on in October.  You should ask your garage to turn them off when you book the car in for its summer service.

At night or in poor visibility drive as close as possible to the car in front to avoid becoming lost.

When collecting your children from school, make any non-essential mobile phone calls whilst pulling away from the kerb to avoid unnecessary delay.  Only turn in your seat to adjust children's seat belts when you have reached the speed limit for the road you are on.

When entering a village, a playground or school sign cancels out the speed limit sign so you do not have to slow down.

When stopped at night to wait for, pick up or set down passengers keep your headlights on at all times to avoid other motorists seeing nearby pedestians and cyclists.

When driving past a speed camera or anyone wearing a high visibility jacket, brake heavily even if you are already well below the speed limit.

Always use the stopwatch and calculator function on your mobile phone to check that you remain within the law on sections of road with average speed cameras.  You might find that you can safely exceed the posted limit for short periods between cameras.

The lane ends signs where carriageways narrow are only for guidance.  Provided you are travelling at sufficent speed you can ignore them and other motorists will take steps to avoid you.

When driving in Italy never overtake when you can see an oncoming vehicle.  On many roads, the only place where you cannot see oncoming vehicles is on a blind bend, so that is the best place to pass.

CitTone

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Re: Alternative Highway Code?
« Reply #9 on: 11 November 2011, 01:40:58 PM »

When stopped at night to wait for, pick up or set down passengers keep your headlights on at all times to avoid other motorists seeing nearby pedestrians and cyclists.


Aaah...one of my favourites! I once rode my motorbike up a kerb due to someone doing this on an unlit road....I couldn't see that the road turned sharply left just past the parked g1t, so went straight on...into a blackthorn hedge....

Maybe if we get enough of these, we could compile a small book...could be next year's "must-have" Christmas stocking filler!
Nobody likes a smartarse - until they need one.

sgould

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Re: Alternative Highway Code?
« Reply #10 on: 11 November 2011, 02:31:18 PM »
An amber traffic light means accelerate.

A red traffic light means three more cars only. Cyclists may continue.

The lights at Pelican Crossings do not apply to pedestrians or cyclists.

Cars parked for the purpose of collecting children from school do not have to keep driveways and dropped kerbs clear.

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Geoff1951

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Re: Alternative Highway Code?
« Reply #11 on: 11 November 2011, 04:28:17 PM »
Where there is a 40 mph speed limit, you must not exceed 35mph. Similarly, a "50" sign means the limit is 40.


(You've started something with this one, CitTone!)

BOF

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Re: Alternative Highway Code?
« Reply #12 on: 11 November 2011, 08:42:20 PM »
When all lanes of traffic on a motorway or dual carriageway are congested and travelling slowly, position your vehicle within your lane to block, as much as possible, the safe progress of any motorcycle or other PTW filtering between the lanes. 

On single-carriageway roads in free-flowing traffic, if you assess that any overtaking vehicle, particularly a motorcycle, is travelling at a speed greater than you consider reasonable, close the gap to the vehicle in front of you to prevent safe completion of the overtaking manoueuvre.


 

Audax

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Re: Alternative Highway Code?
« Reply #13 on: 11 November 2011, 08:50:14 PM »
Where there is a 40 mph speed limit, you must not exceed 35mph. Similarly, a "50" sign means the limit is 40.

Sounds a bit like the Norfolk 40 which is the default speed for people around here who should be using a bus pass instead of a car. You'll follow a car for miles on a national speed limit applies road at 40 with no chance to overtake, as soon as you get to a village or town with a 30 limit they'll disappear off into the distance still doing 40, as soon as you come out of the village or town you think "cool, clear road" and then go round the first bend to be stuck behind the same car doing 40.

Also, when joining a dual carriageway or motorway using a slip road it should be used as a deceleration lane if there is some traffic on the road you are joining causing traffic behind you to have to stop and then struggle to join the main road.

Max Headroom

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Re: Alternative Highway Code?
« Reply #14 on: 11 November 2011, 09:35:42 PM »
Where there is a 40 mph speed limit, you must not exceed 35mph. Similarly, a "50" sign means the limit is 40.

Sounds a bit like the Norfolk 40 which is the default speed for people around here who should be using a bus pass instead of a car. You'll follow a car for miles on a national speed limit applies road at 40 with no chance to overtake, as soon as you get to a village or town with a 30 limit they'll disappear off into the distance still doing 40, as soon as you come out of the village or town you think "cool, clear road" and then go round the first bend to be stuck behind the same car doing 40.


Heheh - they must be all on holiday in the Cotswolds! That is sooo true!